"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
