Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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