im six kinds of drunk right now
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
