Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
