i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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