but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
