I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
