Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
