I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
