Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
