I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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