Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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