that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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