i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
