i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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