i love accidental penises.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
