the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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