the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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