and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
