Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
