if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sober January is a disaster.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
