Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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