I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
