plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
