mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
