well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
