your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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