Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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