so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
