Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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