My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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