My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
