We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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