I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
