the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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