She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
