We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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