I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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