How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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