You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
