I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
