I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
