I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
