dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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