One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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