I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
