You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
