im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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