Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
