take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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