i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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