I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
