i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
high people should be assigned attendants
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
