My Higher Power is John Stamos
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
