I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
high people should be assigned attendants
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
